Monday, January 08, 2007

Trying to remain calm!

I spoke with Dr. Optimistic's receptionist. She didn't seem to feel there was any cause for alarm that a heart beat could not be found. But then again what do these medical professionals seem alarmed about?

I live in a smallish city, so who knows how experienced the tech is with early u/s. We don;t have an infertility clinic in our city so us Ifers are usually sent to the big city. So I am hoping any one of the variables here could be the cause for the elusive heartbeat. I hope it is not worst case scenario.

I have a follow up u/s scheduled for Jan 19th, exactly 2 weeks from the first one. Dr. Optimistic did not want to see me in the office, she just set up the next u/s with a wait and see I guess. She wanted me to wait 2 weeks, I am guessing so they can see if further development has taken place since the first u/s.

OK, this waiting is going to kill me. My mom says not to worry she just knows everything will work out, she says I am paranoid because I worked so hard to get here and I want it so badly. I guess she is right, if I weren't a part of IF land, i wouldn't have even had an u/s yet. My Dr. usually doesn't schedule the first one until 11-12 weeks. But they wanted to check me for ectopic.

So that's were I am at, playing the waiting game. I guess nothing worthwhile is ever easy, but this is getting a bit ridiculous by my standards. I guess I had the misconception ( no pun intended) that once I actually got pg life would be all rainbows and lollipops. Guess I was wrong! I didn't know it would bring forth even more cause to be concerned and worried. Boy, was I naive.

I still feel kind of pukey and have extremely sore boobies (sorry tmi). Hope those are good signs. I will try to keep myself distracted over the next week and a half and hopefully I will make it through with out having a mental breakdown and my even bigger hope is that there is good news at the end of the tunnel. It might be a long week and a half!


Chas said...

After you go through IF you really do expect pregnancy to be so fun; it's what you've been waiting for for so long. I felt the same way you do; I was worried all the time about something; that is until my first trimester was over...then things really did get better.

Inglewood said...

Sorry I haven't commented sooner, been reading your last few posts and I am scared and worried for you too.

With this pregnancy I have been so anxious and scared to the point it was really unhealthy. To help get through it I distracted myself, heavily.

I went on many walks with people who love to talk so I could just listen away. Watched a lot of movies. Reading didn't work because my mind would wander but it might be something would work for you. Had tea with my tea obcessed neighbour. You get the picture, anything to pass the time so I wasn't just sitting around being anxious.

Wishing you the best Hope.

Emma in Canada said...

I think the first few months are terrifying, for all of us. I know my husband was so scared, he didn't even seem excited. Which was a bummer for me! Hope all goes well for you.