Friday, January 05, 2007

Rollercoaster...

This pregnancy ride is just as bad as the IF coaster. My ultrasound was not at all encouraging. They didn't even let Clark into see anything. She could not find a heart beat and the baby was measuring at only 6w 6d. Which leads me to believe something is wrong!!

They won't tell you anything, just not to be alarmed and that sometimes early on they can't find the heartbeat. For the love of god I need more than that people!!! I had both the abdominal and vaginal u/s. She did show me the blob and that's what it looked like, a blob, she pointed out the gestational sac and yolk sac.

Could it be that it has just stopped developing and has no heartbeat? I am just beside myself with worry. If something were wrong, wouldn't I have had some spotting or something?

My mom just thinks I am being paranoid and that we know too much too early. I don't know I just know I am scared shitless. I want everything to be OK. Why do i keep getting these freakin' ambiguous results, can't they just tell me what is happening one way or another!

So I don't even know where to go from here, the ultrasound tech said that it will be a week before my doctor gets the report. A WEEK! How the hell am I supposed to survive a week? I am scared to death the little bean is not viable and then what? Do I just wait to miscarry? I know this are morbid thoughts, but I don't know what to think.

Do I just carry on like everything is fine, while I am about ready to fall apart. I can't help but be angry. I guess I just keep praying everything will turn out OK.

1 comment:

Chas said...

I agree that pregnancy in some ways (especially early pregnancy) is as bad as the IF coaster. Doctors don't know how we feel, a week to them is nothing, while we're sitting there by the phone worrying every minute. I almost wished when I was in early pregnancy that I was like all the "normal" women who probably wouldn't have even known they were pregnant yet...kind of like an ignorance is bliss kind of thing.