Friday, September 22, 2006

The RE's opinion

Well we had the big appointment with the RE yesterday. The great news is that he has ruled out male factor. All along Dr. Optimistic has me scared shitless that Clark has a low count and blah, blah, blah. Well Dr. Phallus (Clark gave him that name because his last name kind of sounds like Phallus and it seemend funny and appropriate) thinks it's a non-issue, he says Clark's 48 million are just fine!

Yeah, so now we just have to deal with me. The tubal blockages are the issue as I seem to be responding the clomid and ovulating.

Dr. Phallus wants to try an IUI on Pureg0n. Probably in November or December. He said he won't do more than 3 IUIs before moving us on to IVF.

I am emotionally drained and exhausted. So more on the feelings later, I have just processed the facts and am not sure how optimistic etc., I feel about his treatment plan. So more on that another day.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Cycle Day 2

I really don't need to say more, but I will.

I am upset. I really, really (as indicated in my previous posts)wanted it to be this month. But alas, no.

I kind of hate myself and my emotional, hormonally challenged, reproductively retarded body right now. I verge on tears hourly. I had a minor tiff with Clark last night, and still really haven't spoken to him. I know that the hormonal state I'm in doesn't help. I really felt distant from him last night though, which is unusual for us.

On the upside, I got my RE referral and I have an appointment on September 21. Woo-hoo. I am doing another round of 150mg of Clomid this month and adding to it 1000mg of Metformin. We'll see.

Can't blame me for my skepticism. Getting harder to believe it will happen. I need to move away from the feelings again for a while. I can't think. Too painful. I can't hope, too hard.

I want another puppy, if I can't have a baby, I can at least have another dog. Maybe this is what my life is. Maybe this is what my life will be.

Maybes and what ifs, where did they ever get anybody.