Monday, September 29, 2008

One week down...

Well, I have been MIA this last week, due to my new job! It's been keeping me very busy and I'm still doing my old job part time, so distractions are everywhere, thankfully!

I can't believe a week has already passed. Only 11 days to go until the big u/s. This is such a scary time for me. I keep hoping everything will turn out the way I want it to. I am six weeks pregnant! So hard to believe. I really feel pretty normal other than the prog symptoms, like sore bbs and really, really tired. I have had a few short bouts of mild nausea, nothing that I would complain too much about. And some serious heartburn, does that start this early?

All is all, life is chugging away. I feel like I am seriously on the cusp of having it all. I have a great new job, that pays me pretty decent money, I am starting to realize my dream of becoming a mom and hopefully good things will continue to happen for us!

It has been such a long road and I am at such an uncertain time in my life both with the job and this pg. I can't help but be a tiny bit stressed, but i just keep praying it will all work itself out!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Too much thinking...

I have really been focusing on the positive over the weekend. I keep hoping this time is going to be different for me and that all will work itself out.

Such stressful times, these early days of pg for us IFers. I keep watching my ticker thinking 18 days until the u/s. Can I make it without having a complete melt down. I'm scared, but trying not to stress about it. I don't think I can survive a 3rd m/c and I don't even want to think like that, but after everything that has happen to me in the last 3 years, it's hard not to let that doubt creep into the back of your mind.

I know I will go on, no matter what the outcome, and I feel so truly blessed that this ivf even worked!! I know so many people who never even get to see a bfp. At least I have hope right now, hope that this may all work out and I might even get a real live baby in 8 months.

So again I have to stay focused on my gratitude. I am grateful for every day I have with this little bubble and hoping for the next 18 days, I can just let go and let God.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Well the numbers are in...

Beta today was 289. I guess I would be 18DPO or 15DP3Dt. I actually am happy with this number as was my clinic and they said there is no reason to retest.

Both other times I have been pg the betas came in at crazy high number like 1800 and 2200. Obviously this was not a good sign. So I am thinking 289 is a good number.

So now we wait again. My u/s is actually the 10th! One less day to wait. As my clinic informed me that they don't do 8 week u/s on Saturdays. And we wait. I am going to get good at this patience thing if it kills me.

I have to say I am wholly encouraged that the number came back at a much different value than the last 2 times. I also checked Dr. Google and everything I have read indicates that the average beta at 4 weeks should be between 5 - 426 mIU/ml . So that puts me smack in the middle and I am very happy with that. I wish was working. But maybe it's better I don't over obsess.

So now I wait. I would be most interested to hear what your betas looked like. Feel free to comment.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

A New Look...

For a new chapter in my life! I hope I am moving into phase two of my life, parenthood! So finally after nearly 3 years of keeping this blog, I felt is was time for a new look!

And what better timing than the week I find out IVF #2 worked!!! I hope you all enjoy the new look and for all you lurkers out there please feel free to comment, I'd love to hear from you!

Nothing too much new. Getting ready to start my new job on Tuesday, The new job is only 3 days a week, but as much money as I make now working 5! So this is perfect timing in some ways. I am staying on at my old job the other 2 days a week until they get someone hired and trained. So I will be banking the extra for baby goodies! Not to mention a new wardrobe for me!!

Beta is tomorrow, I feel pretty good, a little tired, eating is weird, sometimes I am famished and could eat everything in sight and other days I barely feel like eating at all. A few weird twinges, nothing I would call cramping, just some pulling feelings in the top of my legs and lower abdomen. I guess I would be about 4 weeks 4 days today, so things are still very early.

Otherwise, the bubbles seem to be hanging in there and we are just taking it one day at a time. I will feel much better when I see an u/s. The betas don't hold much weight with me, as my first 2 pgs had great numbers. So we'll see, one foot in front of the other.

It's very hard to keep my excitement down to a dull roar!!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Holy Friggin' Crap!!!

I wasn't going to blog this, but I can't help myself, I can't tell anyone else right now and I need to share this excitement with someone or I am going to burst!!!!!

I did an HPT this morning, it's a little early at 11DP3DT, but what can I tell you, I couldn't resist the urge to pee on something!!!! And unbelievably it was positive!!! It was a faint positive but definitely positive, I did 2 just to make sure!! I can't even believe I am typing these words. I am just soooo grateful right now I am ready to jump out of my skin. I can't concentrate on anything else, I should be finishing up work here at my old job seeing as how I have only this week left full time. And not to mention how this is going to effect my new job!!!

Now I know this is all early, I have been here twice before and have not had successful outcomes, so please continue to pray for me and my bubbles. My 8 week u/s is scheduled for the 11th of October. So it's going to be hard until then, that's where my 2 previous pg's went to hell in a hand basket with no heartbeat either time. But I think these little bubbles are much stronger - they survived retrieval and being in a petri dish and then put back into my body!!! I think they are in it for the long haul!!! I can't be cautious here, I already have so much invested in this pregnancy, that I know I will be devastated if history repeats itself.

So I am going to try not to worry too much and just roll with it. I have a new job to keep me busy for the next 4 weeks. I am going to try not to be paranoid about everything I eat or drink, about everything I lift, about every twinge I feel. I am not going to let past circumstances make me crazy!!

I am just so happy right now in this moment!!! Beta on Friday.

Friday, September 12, 2008


Time is ticking so slowly!! I am dying to have some resolve here. I need to know the answer to the burning question, where is my magic 8 ball!!

I have been keeping busy, I accepted a new job. So that's starts is a week and a half. I know, crazy timing!! I'm a little concerned about the repercussions there if I am in fact pregnant. But I mean I can't make decisions based on what ifs. I've been trying to get pg for over 3 years. I mean if I turned down everything because I might get pg it would have been a strange 3 years!

So I'm excited about the job. I'm having a little trouble with the new puppy, she is deathly afraid of other dogs, so I have her enrolled in some private training sessions, so that will keep me busy.

So I am just trying to keep busy and wait it out until my beta on Thursday. I am going insane though. I'm glad it's Friday, as I know the weekend will fly by and Mondays are usually busy and next thing I know it will be Tuesday.

I feel nothing. I have no idea if I am pg or not. I'd like to say I have some intuition but not really. Although cold corn in the fridge last night nearly made me throw up! So maybe that's a good sign.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008


Only 10 days until my beta. It is creeping along. I'm not analyzing any symptoms, I know the prog suppositories, give the same side effects.

I hope I can keep distracted long enough not to go insane waiting.

Friday, September 05, 2008


That is today, I had my 3 day transfer yesterday. I have my beta on the 19th. It's been a while since a post from me, I have just been trying to get through life revolving around IVF. I go back to work on Monday, so I feel I need to get back at normal life.

So the details of this cycle. Obviously I had my retrieval on Monday, which went fairly well all things considered. I was awake, but fairly groggy and disengaged through it all. I felt no needles, but did feel the follicles being punctured which resulted in a very moderate pain, nothing I couldn't handle. The whole thing only took about 15 minutes, so they tell me. It felt like 5 minutes to me, I must have been in and out of sleep, due to the drugs. They got 12 eggs, that looked pretty good! I was seriously psyched at that point. They even showed us one of my eggs under a microscope on the screen. It was very exciting!!

I have to say here the clinic was fabulous on the day of retrieval. I couldn't have asked for better care, I was the only retrieval that day and the nurse that was assigned to me was incredibly awesome and made for a really good experience all things considered.

I recovered in my room for a couple hours, and during this time Clark did his thing. We waited until we had the all clear on the sperm sample (meaning there was enough and they were swimming). Then we headed home. The next couple days were a little rough, not a lot of pain, but serious bloating and my digestive system was majorly off.

I took it easy for those couple days, I was at risk for some moderate to serious OHSS, since my e2 was over 9000, 2 days before retrieval. But I poured the fluids down me and just rested and rested. And I was feeling pretty good by yesterday, transfer day.

The fertilization report on Wednesday was great, we had 9 of the 12 fertilize, although one was lagging behind the rest, we still had 8 that looked decent at that point. I was more that majorly psyched at that news!

When we arrived for the transfer, the news was not as good. Only 3 of our little embies has graduated to past 6 cells, which is where they have to be for freezing and transfer. So the 2 best which were 9 cellers, and grade C were transferred back to me. The transfer process was pretty painless compared to retrieval. Not much more that an iui, only a little longer. They checked the tube under the microscope to make sure they were back in me, and I was allowed to go home.

The grade C's were very disappointing to me. I was hoping for some stellar embies after all my hard work and especially after having 12 to start. But they told me not to get too wrapped up in the grades and that they have seen many pg's result from c's. So I guess it is what it is. I knew it was too good to be true, I usually am an under achiever!!! But at the very least this cycle was a winner compared to the last!!

So when we left yesterday, we had one 8 celler, that could be frozen, a 5 cell that they were hoping would catch up and the rest would be cultured to see if they reached blastocyst stage to be frozen. They will send us a detailed report next week outlining how many were frozen and at what stage. So we'll see. I would hope I could do at least one frozen cycle with a couple embies. They gave me a picture of the 2 they transferred back, they were so cute!!! Like little bubbles!!

So now we wait. The hardest part for me. The next 2 weeks are going to be tough. So please pray for the little bubbles!