Monday, April 16, 2007

I really do have a life...

Ok, so I don't know if I have ever really talked about how I like to scrapbook. I know I never seem to talk about anything other than whining about how I can't get pregnant, what I am attempting to get pregnant and my period, I know, I know it gets old for me too. But I actually do participate in other activities in RL.

So I went to a scrapbooking 'event' Friday night with a bunch of girlfriends. It was 6 hours of women and scrapbooking. I have to tell you that I was a little apprehensive about attending, due to the overwhelming attraction fertile women have to talking about their babies. But I actually did OK. I handled it anyway, without a major meltdown. Even though my table consisted of a women with 2 kids, one who is PG with #2 and the other had a 9 month old and all 3 of them got pg by accident before they got married. Really and truly, I only internally rolled my eyes a couple of times. So it was a good test.

On the RL front, my girlfriend who has been home visiting over Easter finally called me out on my BS and basically had me crying while telling her about the details of my life for the last few months, she knows generally what had been going on with me, but not the nitty gritty. It actually felt kind of good to tell someone in RL how I really feel, that I am pissed off and angry. She seemed to think they were normal feelings and warned me about internalizing all of it. It was a good talk, it made me feel like it was OK to not always hold up a stoic front for people. She warned me too, that alot of my friends think I am superhuman, because I never lose it when talking about my inability to conceive, that I always seem so even! Wow! I guess I do vent alot on this blog that I don't talk about in real life.

So I think it was, in a way, good for me. The rest of the weekend I spent cleaning my house and making a great meal on Sunday night. I also had a few glasses of wine on Saturday, which was a nice unwind, just at home with Clark. So all in all the weekend was somewhat cathartic. I had really given up on a lot of thing that used to matter to me, like how clean my house is and what my yard looks like to the neighbours, but it's time to get back on that horse!!

So now, I begin the week of really trying, where I feel like I have some control (ok, deep down I know I really don't, but humour me here!) over whether I get PG or not! I start acupuncture today (cd12) and then it's off the the races, like rabbits!!! I haven't decided yet if I am doing any OPKs or just leave it up to chance, sometimes I feel there is too much pressure if I know I am Oing. I have graduated up to 2000mg of met again, I had to get there gradually. Oh come on you really didn't think I was going to get through a whole post without talking about my current cycle did you??


Sarah said...

ooh, scrapbooking is just FULL of fertiles, you are brave! hope the accu goes well. everyone seems to love it.

dmarie said...

good luck on the accu! I wish I had the patience to scrapbook :)