Clomid, Coffee, Tissue?...

OK, so I was wrong about being weepy or emotional. The clomid has kicked in full force, I was very down yesterday and feeling no so hot today.

I am incredibly unfocused again. This was a pretty good week, I stay focused most of the time, but I woke up yesterday after a dream of decorating a nursery. Must have been all the shopping I have been doing for baby gifts lately. I spent an hour and a half picking out a gift yesterday. And I loved it, I wandered and touched and dreamed about every baby item and what I would buy for myself.

But all of that dreaming and wishing doesn't change reality. I am still going at this game full force. My dreams for a 2006 baby have been dashed or hope for getting PG before my 30 B-day in 2 weeks, yeah, over.

But what will be, will be. I can't control anymore than I already am. I was really short with Clark yesterday and have really lost my desire to discuss it in great detail with him. Talking about it or analyzing what we can do differently this month doesn't seem to change anything. It just drains my energy and makes him think I am crazy and obsessive (which are true, but he doesn't need to know).

To top it all off, I am off to another baby shower tomorrow. My back is out and challenging me hourly and I am becoming increasingly alarmed about the amount of pelvic pain I am having. The pain in my pelvis is not unbearable, more like really intense cramps. But I have read lots about OHSS on clomid and that's a bit scary, I suppose if it gets worse, I'll call my DR.

That's my update for now, trying to keep my head up and my faith and hope alive. Only CD5, how will I get through this cycle with my sanity...