Monday, October 06, 2008

Scary times...

Just a quick post. Nothing new to say. I'm still living in limbo land waiting for the results of this ultrasound. I am scared to say the least, I have no idea which way things will go. But I am trying to remain as positive as I can.

I feel pretty good still and still very different than my unsuccessful pgs, no cramping and just generally feel better. I'm still scared, I keep imaging both outcomes. The warm fuzzy one, where I get to see my baby (ies?) heart beat for the first time and I get to see that little flutter on the screen and Clark and I get to go home and tell out family the joyful news!! I have imagined every little detail, will I be so overwhelmed with joy, will I want to buy out the babies store? I want that outcome so badly.

The other outcome, I don't have to imagine, quite as hard. I have lived it twice before, the blank stares of the doctors, the realization that everything is not ok, and is not going to be ok. The sound of my hopes and dreams shattering. Yeah, I really don't want to go there again.

I'm scared. But only time will tell if this time will be different.

5 comments:

Kymberli said...

I'm hoping, praying, and thinking tons of good thoughts for you!

Sugar and Ice said...

Thank goodness there's only four more days. I'd be tempted to throw a fit and demand an earlier scan...I just don't deal well with so much waiting. You are in my thoughts a lot these days!!

Kirsten said...

Praying for you...can't get here soon enough!!

AllieQB said...

You are in my thoughts! I am sending all sorts of good vibes to you and baby(ies)!

AllieQB said...

Looking forward to checking in tomorrow - hope you are able to find some peace with all this anxious waiting!