Let me start by addressing a technical issue - I just now figured out how to view and moderate my comments! Which is why this post is entitled DUH! Because I feel pretty stupid. Here I thought not anyone had left me a comment and all along there were some, I was just too computer inept to be able to read them. So I thank all for your comments, especially Jenny, who has given me much support. I promise to respond, now that I have gotten over the blond moment!
Well, I kind of feel a little better these days. I have decided I really need to learn patience.
I got great news from our insurance today, they cover all fertility drugs, a maximum of 12 cycles per drug up to a total life time maximum of $18,000! Yey! That's great for us.
So the updated game plan, is to try a few IUIs, I won't be starting that until late March, early April. We have a lot going on in our lives up until then, plus I want to give the acupuncture a good try.
I figure with the drugs covered the IUI will be pretty inexpensive (compared to the IVF) and our RE thinks we should give it a few tries. With my 'substandard' tubes we still have a shot at conceiving without the IVF. It's not a great chance, but still a possibility.
So I think I am going to take the next 4 months to relax (yeah, I know, I hate saying it, as much as you hate hearing it) and try to work on the acupuncture protocol. Then if still nothing we'll start with the IUIs.
My RE feels that at 30, I still have a lot of time. I never thought that i would want to take a step back, when this all started a year and a half ago, I was full speed ahead and ready try IVF then! Now, I see this is not going to happen instantly, I am not going to be pregnant by Christmas or the Christmas after that or Easter or Mother's Day or before I turn 31. There is no deadline and I might as well work toward accepting that. I really do think I am obsessing and stressing myself out way too much.
So I need to focus on work, Clark and I are going to take a couple of vacations and just try to get back some of the sense of normalcy that I had in my life before I decided I was ready to start a family. Am I giving up? No way! Will I ever give up the dream of a biological child? No way. But I need to move away from it being the only thing I think about day and night. I need to stop letting my infertility define me, and consume me. I know easier said than done.
Certainly obsessing about it hasn't gotten me pregnant.