OK, I did a test this morning and yes, it's only 13dpIUI, but what the heck, can you honestly tell me that I could get a negative today and a positive on Sunday (when it's technically legal to test). I don't think so, I mean really prove me wrong.
So it was of course negative. This is where I start feeling like I am beating my head against a brick wall. 4 iuis since September, 3 of them basically back to back. What the heck does it take me to conceive a baby already!!!
Clark is convinced I am giving up too early. That I just tested too early and he adamantly believes I am pg. I don't know how to let him down easy, so I will just keep it to myself until Sunday and show him the negative test.
It's so frustrating!! I want to scream. I also want to jump head first into plan b, which in our case looks like it's going to be ivf. I feel like the more negatives I see, the more determined I am to make this work, dammit, I know I can have a baby! I am already formulating an ivf plan in my head. I don't want to, it's just where I naturally go. This has been a long hard journey and I just want it to end. I prayed I was pg with twins and then I could have the 2 kids I always wanted and never have to fear not getting pg again. It's all so stupid, I'm wishing my life away. I think we'll try a couple of ivfs and then by the end of 2008, it's move on time. I need to give up on the fantasy.
So discouraged. It seems life in general is just getting both of us down right now. Tired of being kicked while I'm down.