Stupid, stupid, stupid...

Yes, I'm referring to myself. I took an HPT, it was left over from the 2 pack that I bought to test on the legal luteal day 15 of my last iui cycle. I vowed never to have those retched things in my house, but alas, like an alcoholic, I'm a pee-stick-a-holic and I couldn't stop myself from the shiny wrapper to the cottonly tip, to the smell concealing cap, as soon as I realized I was a day late this month. I had ripped it open and peed on it, before I knew what I was doing was wrong. When to my pee-stick bleary eyes, only one line appeared, I was disappointed. DISAPPOINTED! Am I nuts I ask, how could I be disappointed, how many pee sticks have I peed on? Hundreds? How many of them have been positive, a very small percentage I'm guessing. So why would I ever entertain the idea that it might be possible? I went from thoughtful about the reasons for my pretty regular 30 day cycle to be late, to uncontrollable peeing, to deflated, disappointment in less than 3 minutes. What a ride. I think I'll go pop a few hundred in the nearest slot machine while I'm at it, maybe I'll win my mortgage payment for the month.

I lost control, I vowed to myself to ban those fucking pee sticks from my house, I always remember where I stashed them, although I can't find my keys in the morning before work, or my passport that I left in the car yesterday, I can find pee sticks that I stashed 7 or 8 months ago in the drawer in the spare room. I need a 12 step program, does anybody know where there are meetings for us pee-stick-aholics? I could use some help!!

Anyway, that wrapped up my already draining day and I have no one to blame but myself. I suspect the crimson tide will arrive tomorrow, then on to the new cycle. IUI #2. God, I was hoping to avoid it. Still not sure at this point if I am more afraid of a failed cycle or another bfp. Both have fears of their own.

In update news, the nye trip was a great getaway for Clark and I. We had a blast, drank a few too many, but it was all in good fun and we narrowly missed the snow storm that pummeled southern Ontario on New Year's Day, so all was well. It was a fun couple days of partying and having fun before the somberness (and soberness) of this new iui cycle are upon us.

Still feeling a little blue, maybe my hormones, they always add a nice mix to the emotional cocktail of IF. hopefully this will pass. Next post I promise a picture post.

I need to catch up on what is going on with all of you, I've been very busy catching at work after the holidays, so i'm off to get my fix of blog reading!