Tuesday, September 04, 2007


Wow, I didn't realize how long I have been away from posting. I have been checking in on all my blogobuddies. Glad to see everyone is still hanging in there.

Well the general nastiness of the M*et has subsided. I feel much better these days. Spacing my meds correctly seems to help. Today is cd7, I'm full swing into the injections (5th one tonight), which really aren't all that bad. Once I got through a couple, they go pretty easy now. I am still filled with a bit of fear, I go for blood tomorrow and then start my follie scans either Thurs or Fri. I'm nervous I won't respond the way they want me to and I'll end up with a cancelled cycle or no follies or something equally as disappointing. Why do I always have to think so far in advance. I wish I could just take one day at a time and try not to look too far into the future. But, alas, that's just not who I am.

I had a bit of a hormonal breakdown on Saturday morning after my first shot Friday night, mostly crying and extremely emotional, but I seem to have fought past it and have been ok for the last few days. I will drive into the city alone for my bw tomorrow (Clark has to work) so I hope that doesn't give me too much time to think and fret about what is to come.

So far the whole iui process has not been as hideous as I had thought. It's gone pretty smoothly up until this point, though now my nerves are playing a role, since I will start to get some test results this week and see how I am responding to the meds. I will be very interested to see how many follies I have and how big they are by week's end. They have yet to give me any indication as to when I will actually have the iui. I think possible Monday since the last pure.gon shot is Friday, assuming all goes as planned. Again, thinking too far ahead, I guess.

I have been telling all the people in RL who know the process I am on, that I know there is not a great chance that this will work and we may have to do a few iuis or move onto IVF and I know and accept that, however, if I am really honest with myself, although I know all that I say aloud is reality and I really only have a 20% or less chance that this cycle will work, I know I will be devastated if it results in a BFN. I have to embrace my true feelings and that is that I want this baby soooo bad, I am willing my body to finally act the way it is supposed to. I am actually still a little angry at it. Well, no sense in kidding myself into believing I will be OK if this cycle is a bust, I know it will hit me hard. And that means waiting until November to try again. Why do I get so far ahead of myself.

Anyway, I am trying to focus on one day at a time, one m*et pill, one vitamin, one shot at a time. I'll post any results I get later this week.

Addition: I forgot to add that I gave up on the acupuncture, didn't do it in August either, anyone have any opinions on whether I should continue with it? It was getting too expensive, now with the frequent trips to the city and iui costs etc., but if it would help, I'd do it still. Any thoughts?

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