Well the vacationing is over. Back to normal life! Ve.gas was fantastic, a little too much family togetherness, but that's totally to be expected. Everyone actually got along OK, but there were several times I had wished Clark and I could just ditch them all and go off on our own.
All in all, it has been a busy month, and in the midst of it all I was able to jump back into pregnancy obsessing with very little difficulty. I thought my desires may have waned a bit by now, but as soon as I got my period I was on the phone scheduling my acupuncture for this month.
The spa weekend was a much needed retreat after spending so much time being 'on' around Clark's family. I had a blast with my girlfriend and the place we went was fabulous, we decided we should make it an annual ritual.
So I am kind of at a loss these days, which is I guess why I haven't blogged much lately. What is there to say, daily life is just plugging along. Clark and I both decided we needed to take a healthier approach to life, so we have been trying to eat better and get out for a walk every night after dinner. I figure it can only help me to get pregnant if I can lose some weight. I have started back on the met yet. I wanted to do one month of just acupuncture and herbs and see where that got me. I really hope it happens soon. I am trying to figure out what is worse, knowing I got pregnant on my own once and holding out hope it can happen again or not having gotten pregnant at all. The jury's still out.
While am typing this, my RE just called to reschedule my IUI orientation that I had to cancel in February because I was PG. I booked it for August, I know that seems like a life time away. I don't know I am just not ready to face the next phase of treatment. I guess I am still hoping that nature will just take it's course. Seems like such a silly thing to hope for at this stage in the game. But it's really all a crap shoot - this infertility thing.
I feel better than I have in the past, I think I have recovered a bit form the initial shock and sadness of the miscarriage and I am moving past the despair I felt before I got pregnant. I am still fearful that parenthood is an elusive dream for us, but am really struggling to maintain some faith. I also have let go of some of the emotion and resentment I have been consumed with.
Life in general is good. I am blessed, and this weekend reminded me of that again and again. We're healthy and happy and able to go on vacation and treat ourselves and so many things we take for granted. I am really going to try to make 2007 about being a better person, physically and emotionally. So hopefully I can continue my journey in personal growth.