I keep waiting to wake up from this too-good-to-be-true dream I am having. I took another HPT this morning. Again positive. I know, I am a nut! I just can't seem to let myself believe this is really happening. I think I have programmed myself to protect myself from hope so much, I am afraid to let that guard down.
Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled, elated, excited, never happier in my life! I just don't want it to end. All the fears are ever present in my face.
I went for my blood draw last night. the DR will call me tomorrow or Monday with confirmation. Do I really need confirmation? I continue to proceed with cautious optimism that I am in fact pregnant and this pregnancy will be fine. My EDD will be mid August.
It scares me to talk about it. I told my best friend, I had to have her come over and check the pee stick to make sure I wasn't imaging lines that weren't there. She assures me all 3 tests were positive! We talked a little about our hopes and dreams and she shared with me that they are TTCing as well, they just started last month (she already has one child), but she was afraid to tell me they were trying as well. But everytime I went to say something that was about my pregnancy, I stopped, like talking about it will jinx it or something. My BF said what will be will be at this point and no amount of talking about it or not talking about is going to change that, which makes sense. Nor will pretending I am not estatic make me feel any better should the worst ever happen.
I am trying to get past the shock and let it all sink in. I have imagined in my mind for so long, seeing the positive pee stick and how I would react and what I would say. I ended up being speechless. The look on Clark's face was priceless. I don't think he believed me at first until he saw the sticks.
I want to shout it from the roof tops, but I am really going to try to refrain until Christmas. I wonder if the fertile people have all this disbelief and trepidation about the good news. Or have we just suffered so many disappointments that it's hard to accept that our dreams can come true!