Monday, December 11, 2006

Anxiety all around...

Well I had my first prenatal appointment today. Still too early to really do much, except confirm the pregnancy. I am scheduled for an ultrasound on Jan 5th. She also wants to see quantitative Betas this week. So I go back to get the results on Monday.

Right now, I am just pretty scared. I have had a bit of cramping, no spotting or anything, but it still makes me nervous. Everyone assures me that a bit of cramping up to week 7 is pretty normal. So I pray this is the case.

Other than that I actually feel pretty good. I have been a little queasy, but I understand this only gets worse in the next week or 2. So I say bring it on.

My worst fear at this point is, of course, that I will miscarry. I have prayed for and hoped for this baby for so long, I don't know if I can deal with another cruel twist of fate. But I have read enough blogs and discussion boards to know that there is cause to be concerned. It is very early and I pray to God this little bean sticks around for the full 40 weeks. How I pray!

I am really trying to relax and just live the dream at this point, nagging worry mixed with the hormonal-emotional rollercoaster I am on right now is keeping me a bit anxious. Ok more than a bit. And I also rationally know that worrying is not going to make it not happen, so I try to take solace in that. But I am scared to death!!!

I think all of these feelings are pretty normal? Please reassurance welcomed here! I am afraid to invest myself in this too much emotionally, just in case, but I know I will be devastated anyway if the worst should happen. We told our immediately family over the weekend, and now I am wondering if we should have, but I know their support is invaluable no matter how all of this plays out. I am feeling exceptionally vulnerable at this point.

I want this pregnancy to be OK, so badly, I feel like I can will it to happen, now if only I could will these cramps to stop worrying me.

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