Friday, August 11, 2006

One Year Today...

One year ago today was the first day of my first cycle of TTC. It is a bit disheartening that a year has already passed. But I am really trying a new tactic - positive visualization. Maybe I am one year closer to my baby!

I am really trying to be positive and visualize what I want. I have asked the universe and asked God. I have tried to grow into the best person I can be. My goals this year (besides getting knocked up) were to grow as a person and try to be less judgmental. I think I have learned more patience and am definately more in touch with my own feelings. I have also learned to assume less and dig deeper than just the surface of what people are saying.

I am really trying to focus on my goal, by visualizing my baby and visualizing being pregnant. I know this all sounds kind of hokey, but I have been protecting myself for too long. I need to start feeding my body and mind with positive energy that I can accomplish our dreams. I may be setting myself up for disappointment, but I have been so negative for so long. I need to change.

I am finding myself strangely moody the last few days. I really hope that means I am pregnant, but the clomid always has it's own effects as well. We have had many positives this month in the blogger world and I really hope I get to join the ranks soon. I wasn't going to test this month as I haven't been for several months now, but I think I will. I am positive this month. I am positive this month. I must be positive this month. I can test on Sunday and I am going to.

I read Just Another Jenny's post about her fabulous news! I am soooo happy for her! It has been a long road for many of us and I feel a kindred spirit with Jenny, both being Ontario Girls and all! I have to admit that she is the first person in the last year that I have really felt happy for in hearing that they are pregnant. There was no reminding myself to be happy or telling myself that it will happen for me too. For the first time I didn't even think about my situation as I read about hers. I felt like I have turned a bit of corner in that respect. All I felt in reading her news was - YEEEEAAAAHHH! I even checked her blog several times the day of her Beta to see if she had posted yet. So congrats Jenny! I have never been happier for anyone and I really mean that from the bottom of my heart.

And so now I wait a few more days... or a few more months... but I will accomplish my dreams too!

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