The Big O Over the Weekend Brings Renewed Hope

I wasn't even sure that I ovulated last month. This month I am pretty sure I did. I got a positive OPK on Sunday. We did 'it' on Saturday and Friday and then again last night. I hope that was enough.

I feel good. I have been really concentrating on not letting those negative thoughts creep into my head. I keep thinking this is the month. As indicated in previous posts, my projections indicate that if I have conceived that I will be due on Clark's Birthday! How wonderful! This holds such special meaning to me and I can't shake the significance of it. I want to give him this gift so badly and it would be so entirely perfect. Relying much on my spirituality these days, I have to believe the stars will line up for us this month. I have really worked the timing and all indications are looking good. My conception date for this cycle should have been Saturday, and my lunar fertility chart indicates Sunday night as being my most fertile time. There should have been spermies there waiting for that egg on Sunday! So I don't think we could have timed it any better. And with the added significance of this pregnancy coming to fruition on Clark's birthday, how can I not believe!!!!

I also had a tarot reading Monday and the current issues card that came up was the Princess of Disks, representing the perfect pregnant, gestating woman and symbolizing all that is fertility. I almost cried. I think the universe is beginning to believe that I have received my message. I have done major soul searching through this past year of struggling with my fertility and I really do believe that I have grown as a person. I have learned patience and not to take things for granted. I have also realized what a bond I have with Clark and have gained a new confidence and feeling of security about out relationship. Not that it was bad before, but I have come to understand more about who he is and what an important spirit he has. I want nothing more than to give him the gift of fatherhood.

I have also been more in tune with my own feelings and who I am as a person and who Clark is and how he helps me be a better me. He is such a wonderful soul and I know together we can get through anything. I have learned to stop blaming, and start listening to the subtle messages that are in our relationship.

I am a better person for this fertility struggle, it took me along time to figure out if I would come out of this a better person, but now I see there is no question that I have grown tremendously spiritually this past year and can only imagine that I will be a significantly better parent after this journey, than I would have before it.

So I am ready, I am ready to accept and guide the new life that the universe provides to me, and help them be the best person they can be. I am ready to believe this destiny awaits me and has already begun.