Monday, August 14, 2006

Around and Around and Around It Goes....

And where it stops no one knows. And by it I mean the vicious cycle that is infertility. Well today is CD3, I didn't end up having to test because I got my period on Saturday! A message from the universe, I'd like to think not.

I actually opened my blog today with many depressed and negative feelings, until I read my last post again. I must remain committed to being positive. I am really pissed off and discouraged, but I also must recognize that while those feelings are valid they are not at all productive.

I must focus on the goal and continue. I really want to stop talking about trying to get pregnant, I read in my horoscope today that I must stop 'acknowledging my problems and rise above them'. So I though, hmmmmm, very good advice.

I am on round 5 of clomid, I have nearly lost track, but I go back to Dr. Optimistic on September 7. I think she will want me to do round 6. I don't want to. I want a referral now, all weekend I kept thinking, I give up, I just give up, this is not going to happen. But I must face today with a renewed sense of fight. Clark say we have only just begun to fight, although I am feeling as though I have lost 12 or 13 battles and I am very battle-weary. But I am a problem solver and I have to believe in my hear that this problem has a solution.

I am not talking to my friends anymore about my infertility, if I do move on to IUI, I am not telling anyone. I don't know why I need to talk about it, I wish sometimes I could just shut up!

That said, I am really trying to keep up the positive thoughts. Wish me luck!

No comments: