Friday, July 14, 2006

Living in Limbo...

I just read Jenny's post - My Life Revolves Around You - and I have to say it rocked me to my core. God, can I relate to this.

I gave up smoking. I divorced my first husband, because I thought he would be a shitty father. Every house I have ever owned has always had three bedrooms and in every house I have envisioned the nursery and how it would be decorated and where I would spend my sleepless nights trying to console my baby. I changed jobs in January so I could have more flexible hours and more time off. We need to buy a new car, but will I be off on Maternity leave next year?, can we afford it? Should we book the cottage for next year or will I have a newborn?

It makes me sad to think I spend so much time on what ifs and maybes. I am so pathetic, I have even priced the baby furniture I want and thought about the configuration for the furniture. Clark won't let me plant and trees in the middle of our yard, in case he wants to throw a ball around with our potential kids or wants to put up a swing set.

Every time I go to Target or Walmart, I look at the baby clothes and think, I'd buy this or this and I would need this.

So, yes I relate. I have lived it. Jenny, you are always bang on.

1 comment:

Just another Jenny said...

I am glad you could relate. I heard from alot of people that they have done the same thing - make life decisions around a hope and a dream. Please don't think it is pathetic - since we all seem to do it to one extreme or another, it must be the norm (the infertile norm, that is).