Hangin out, trying to RELAX...

I almost feel like relax is a dirty word. And I don't want to hear it. But I've said it myself, I really am hanging out trying to relax.

My LAP is a go for the 21st of June. 9 days. I am 10 DPO today and deparately want to test. I bought an HPT at Wal-mart on my lunch today, because I ran out of the internet cheapies (although I have an order in for 50 opts and 15 hpts). So now I can stare at the HPT box everyday and debate with myself if I am going to test.

I kind of partly feel like, why bother? I have seen so many negative HPTs that I don't need to see another. I know AF is due on Thursday or Friday, so why can't I just wait? I know if I don't have AF by next week they will do a PG test at the hospital before my LAP. But... I want to know!!!

I day dreamed in the car today, about how I would tell Clark, how I would wait until father's day and give him a card. I know how thrilled he would be! Why do I get myself all worked up. The chances are slim, on a non-medicated cycle.

But I can't help but dream, I want to make both are dreams come true so badly. If only wishing could make it so. If only...

OK, so I am asking the universe, please make all our dreams come true, please send us the child we long for. Maybe I will test tomorrow or maybe I won't. I guess I'll end this post the same way I have ended so many others, we'll see...