Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Waiting, Hoping, Praying...

Well, I am once again in the 2ww, full swing. It's funny, how it keeps starting over & over again. I am pretty optimistic this cycle, which is scary in, and of itself. It seems just to set me up to be more disappointed, when it is yet another failed cycle.

But I said earlier, that I was going to give this my best try yet. And we did, we did. The time around the Big O went very well. We timed everything out perfectly. So if I were the praying kind, I'd be praying. Please, please, please let this work!

I know this cycle will crush me, if it is not successful, talk about having all of your cherries in one basket.

I really feel as though this is the fork in the road, so to speak, if I get pregnant, (I am almost afraid to use those words - I keep saying if this cycle is successful), my journey continues on to parenthood and I will feel at peace with the Universe. If not, my TTC journey continues and I fear I will become very bitter and resentful. And I will have to face the reality that this is really not going to be a fast, easy trip. I think my hope will fade considerably, if I do not get pregnant.

Maybe TTC will no longer be my daily focus or maybe the further it seems out of my reach the more I want it. Whatever my emotions are at the end of this cycle, I feel I am at the turning point. I hope all goes well.

Only 2 DPO and already extremely impatient. I will try to wait until the 11th to test, that's 10 DPO. I want to see what a BFP looks like!!! If wishing could only make it so!

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